yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
