i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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