Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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