operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
