Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
