He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
