Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
