I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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