Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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