i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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