Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
