I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
