im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
