It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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