i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize