I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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