Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
