yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
