things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
