haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Damn victory sex feels great
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
