Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He passed out mid-signature
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
