i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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