apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize