Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
