how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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