I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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