you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
