Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
