20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
