I think I just saw someone hide a body.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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