yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
