ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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