my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
