so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
