i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
