so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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