pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
