So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
