Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
