i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
