my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Found your dick twin last night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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