i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
