Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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