summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
