i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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