I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
