i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
