i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
