Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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