he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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