you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
