She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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