dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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