Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
