If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
