grandma shit on top of the toilet
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
