I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
