He managed to light the Jello on fire...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
