maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
