Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
