The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
