you guys were way drunker than both of me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize