I hope mine doesn't look like that
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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