I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
