i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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