I'm lost and stupid without you.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
