He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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