omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
