I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
