dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize