Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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