Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize