Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
