I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
