just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
