Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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