I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Everclear isn't food dammit
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
