Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
