Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
