its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
