New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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