apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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