I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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