i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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