i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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