I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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