your room smells of hookers.
And success
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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