just survived the first fart of the relationship.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
