when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize