He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
