I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
