Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
