I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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