We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
