Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
