walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize