So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
