i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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