i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize