My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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