there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i drank out of a bidet.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
